The Transforming Miracle of Marriage
Page Two
Make Me a Servant
As a student at Regent College (Vancouver, B.C.), I was invited to the home of renowned biblical scholar, Dr. Gordon Fee. Lisa was pregnant with our first child, and was showing it. As soon as Lisa walked in the door, Dr. Fee jumped up. "Here," he said, "you need the softest chair."
His words were laden with sincerity and genuine concern. My wife was surprised at the attention, but she took the chair and sat down. I sat beside her. Dr. Fee, I noticed to my embarrassment, was still standing.
"Now," he said, "can I get a pillow for your back?"
"No, I'm fine," Lisa said.
"How about a glass of water? Do you need something to drink?"
"That would be great," my wife answered.
Dr. Fee marched into the kitchen. He came back with a full glass. "Is the heat all right?" he asked. "Are you too cold, too hot? Do you need to raise your feet?"
Lisa was almost blushing at this time, and I was greatly humbled. In the course of four minutes, my professor had served my wife in such a way that I never had in four years. Just seeing his empathy, his dedication to making another person comfortable, and his willingness to put himself entirely at my wife's disposal was an eye-opener. I saw the heart of a servant and realized I had a long way to grow into maturity as a husband.
Jesus said, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you" (John 13:14,15). Marriage provides opportunities every day for both spouses to practice this admonition.
 The challenge is not to keep on
loving the person we thought
we were marrying, but to love
the person we did marry.
Giving Up The Grudge
Marriage based on romanticism embraces an idealized lie (infatuation) and then divorces the reality once it presents itself. Marriage based on life in Christ invites us to divorce the lie—an idealized view of our spouse—and embrace reality—two sinful people sharing strengths, weaknesses, joys, and struggles in lifelong commitment. As the Whiteheads describe it, "The challenge is not to keep on loving the person we thought we were marrying, but to love the person we did marry!"
Fresh Wind
I now refer to my wife as my "God thermometer." If I wake up and discover that I am not moved by the miracle of her life and love for me; if I am not cherishing her and honoring her, I look up and do a heart check with God. The fact is, God knows my wife far better than I do, and He cherishes her. The closer I grow to Him and the more time I spend communing with Him, the more He will share with me His heart for my wife. I've come to learn that the state of my marriage has as much to say about my relationship with God as it does about my relationship with my wife.
If your own marriage has grown stale, look in the mirror and ask God how He can use it to transform the person looking back at you. If you have let bitterness seize your heart, stop praying for your spouse to change and ask God to change you. Most marriages can survive temporarily "falling out of love." But you're headed for disaster if you ever let yourself fall out of repentance.
Copyright © 2001 by Gary Thomas
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