The Emotionally Healthy Family
Page Two
Expressing and Showing Love
One of the most important emotional needs is love and affection. Every person has a longing for it; every person needs it. The best place to show, grow, develop, and exercise love and affection is in the home. By doing so, every member—mother, father—sons, and daughters—will develop in a healthy manner and sidestep many of life's problems.
The need to give and receive love and affection applies to every family member. Parents need to openly express love to each other. This teaches the children to be open and loving toward both their parents and each other.
When this happens, each member of the family—but especially the child—will grow to appreciate and have healthy feelings toward himself. It will also establish trust and respect between members. When the child becomes an adult, he will be able to love his mate and his own children. Adults who cannot love were usually not well-loved in childhood.
It's important for parents to remember to express their love verbally. Actions are important, but words are reassuring. Parents need to openly tell their child, "I love you, Billy" or "I love you, Cindy." As love is spoken in the home, children will grow up to love a husband or a wife unreservedly when they get married. They will avoid the handicap of being unable to show and accept love.
Respecting Reasonable Limits and Boundaries
All life exists within boundaries. There are "do's" and "don'ts" for everyone in the world, whether we like it or not. The best place to learn to obey and regard these limits is in the home.
Some people go through life smoothly, others roughly. The difference often depends on a person's attitudes toward rules and regulations.
Parents in a healthy family are models for their children by respecting the laws of the city, county and nation. This respect is shown by both words and actions. Children respect and like themselves better when they, like their parents, are obedient.
When a person breaks the law (and is caught), he is disciplined by the justice system. So it is when children are disobedient; they need to be disciplined. When parents discipline their children, they are saying, "We love our kids enough to require them to obey." Some people have difficulty accepting this principle, but it's true nonetheless. The book of Proverbs states, "For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the one in whom he delights" (Proverbs 3:12 ).
If a five-year-old boy insists on playing in the middle of a busy street and the only way to prevent his doing that is to discipline him, then it is imperative that he be disciplined. It is unreasonable for a loving parent to allow his child to do something so foolish as to play in traffic.
 Few things are more important
to a child or an adult than
a healthy self-image.
Of course, correction and discipline need to be appropriate for the child's age and personality. As a child grows older, parents need to reason with him more and more, and when that fails, take away privileges for a time (such as watching TV) as a means of discipline.
In teaching respect for law and exercising discipline, parents need to explain to the child why he must do so and so. Saying "do it because I told you to" does not help a child to either understand or desire to cooperate with laws in society. Instead, it prevents him from eventually being able to control and discipline himself.
Developing Healthy Self-images
Few things are more important to a child or an adult than a healthy self-image. A person's good self-esteem carries him over many rough places in life.
A child with a good self-image is not only a joy to be around, but he will take that self-esteem into adulthood. Positive feelings about himself will enable him to adjust and adapt to changing situations. Many of your and my actions and thinking are based on how we feel about ourselves.
As parents, we can build healthy self-images in our children by encouraging them to tell us how they feel. Listening to our children not only tells them they are important, but it also keeps us in touch with what's happening in their emotional and intellectual lives, how their personalities and characters are being formed and influenced.
We can also show our children how they are important to God. Teach them from the Bible that God Himself created them in His own image and that He saved them by paying a great price, the death of His Son by crucifixion on a cross. Let your children know that angels are protecting them and that Heaven has been prepared for them!
But children aren't the only ones who benefit from healthy self-images. Parents do, too. That's why husbands and wives need to encourage each other. No parent needs to have to go through a day without being recognized and encouraged by his or her mate!
It's so easy to see and do things that will encourage your spouse. For example, through the years I have traveled to many cities to speak at churches and to hold seminars. Typically, I would arrive at a hotel, open my suitcase, and hang up my clothes. As I lifted each shirt or other garment, I would find a little note from my wife, Ruth, saying how much she loved me and encouraging me in some way.
But many couples do very little to encourage each other. Some men and women have told me that it had been many months or even years since they have been told they were appreciated by their spouse.
Those of us who are believers in Jesus Christ, are tremendously encouraged as we read God's Word, and we, in turn, need to encourage those around us—especially our children and our mates.
 Continued on Page Three
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