Violence and Abuse in the Home
Page Five
9. Some people who are violent and abusive have neurological impairments or ADHD. Neurologically-based problems can increase the likelihood that people become abusers in two ways.
First, they increase the person's personal frustrations and undermine their self-concepts. Many children with ADHD or various learning problems end up feeling out of step with the world or "dumb" because of difficulty paying attention and learning. This in turn, can create feelings of anger and resentment.
Second, neurological problems can lead to difficulties with self-control. So, in addition to feeling angry, people with ADHD may have increased trouble managing their emotions. Many violent criminals have been shown to have significant neurological problems.
These, then, are some of the most common conditions causing a man or woman to become violent and abusive to each other and to their children.
What Should Victims Do?
It may be rather easy to advise what an abused person should do, but it is often difficult to carry out a plan of action. Why? Because the relationships and actions may be complex and far-reaching. It may involve a marriage partner, one or more children, parents, and other people. To be considered, too, are financial incomes, jobs, living arrangements, police action or protection, embarrassment around friends, threats against one's life, and other factors.
The abused person needs a trusted friend or someone with whom she can talk and make thoughtful short-term and long-term plans of action. Steps which victims should take to resolve the problem include the following:
1. Admit there is a serious problem of violence and abuse. Continuing to hide, deny or minimize abuse never brings a solution. Many women who have been seriously abused for a number of years have actually become enablers. In other words, they enable their abuser to continue the abuse, simply because no one else is aware of it and no one forces him to change.
2. Remove oneself from the abuse. It only stands to reason that if a person has been abusing another over a period of time, he will continue to do so as long as the victim remains silent or in a place where she can continue to be abused. The first action step is often to get out—to a safe place.
3. Report the problem to authorities. This is a serious step because the moment a victim does this, the police may take action and incarcerate the abuser. This has far-reaching consequences.
 A person who has been abused needs
help from a well-trained counselor,
such as a Christian psychologist, who
can administer tests to more quickly
diagnose underlying problems, conduct
interviews, and then provide ongoing therapy.
This may be needed over a period of time.
4. Locate a support group. Many churches have support groups for people struggling with various life dilemmas. One such group may be victims of violence and abuse. With or without divulging one's name, she may learn from a police department what organizations are available in a local community to help victims of violence.
5. Consider a shelter or halfway house. Even in smaller communities there are often groups which provide housing for women and children who have been abused. They may offer food, living arrangements, counseling, and a safe place for a period of time.
6. Seek spiritual help. It is of utmost importance that a person who has been abused receive spiritual support from a trusted pastor or other committed Christian. This person represents God by listening, caring and offering comfort through prayer and Scripture. He may also help connect the abused person with a good support group or shelter and get her involved in other supportive relationships.
7. Seek professional help. A person who has been abused needs help from a well-trained counselor, such as a Christian psychologist, who can administer tests to more quickly diagnose underlying problems, conduct interviews, and then provide ongoing therapy. This may be needed over a period of time.
In summary, the home should be a place of joy and contentment—a place where one can trust others and receive their comfort and protection. It should be a place where Christ is preeminent and worshipped and where everyone is treated with deep respect.
But if it is not, the seven steps tested above should be followed until a substantial change is realized. God is a god of love who wants the best for you. He wants you to remove yourself from any abusive situation and he wants you to resolve the terrible effects of past abuse so that you can live a rich, meaningful life in relationship with others who love and respect you. "And the peace of God, which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7)."
Copyright © 2001 by Narramore Christian Foundation
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Dr. Clyde Narramore is the Founder of the Narramore Christian Foundation, was President for half-a-century, and is a well-known radio and conference speaker, and author.
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