Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Page Three
Understanding and Parenting An AD/HD Child
Effectively parenting an AD/HD child begins by increasing your understanding of AD/HD. Books, tapes, seminars, support groups, and professional educators and mental health professionals are sources of information to help you broaden your awareness of how AD/HD impacts your child's behavior. Here are 12 specific tips for successfully parenting your AD/HD child:
Provide consistency and structure. Above all, AD/HD children need clear structure, definite descriptions of what they are being asked to do, specific consequences for their behavior, and consistent enforcement of these principles. They need an organized environment where the demands are clearly identified ahead of time. Surprises and the unexpected mean trouble. Try to keep daily events like bedtime, meals, and homework on a definite schedule. Be firm about limits and enforce them consistently. Limit the amount of TV since that brings even more distracting stimuli. Lots of rewards and praise for successful and appropriate behavior are also especially important.
Be sensitive to your child. Most children will be confused, discouraged, or upset when they learn their AD/HD diagnosis. They might think there is something terribly wrong with their bodies or brains. Or they may want to use their diagnosis as an excuse, saying, "I can't help myself. I have AD/HD." Just like you, they will need time to adjust to the diagnosis. Your child needs a lot of special understanding and encouragement at this time. Although most children feel relieved, because now they know why they have struggled so much, they will also need hope for their future.
Explain AD/HD simply. One of your most difficult tasks is to explain AD/HD to your child. Without an explanation he will conclude he is either "bad," "dumb," or "inferior." He needs to know that you realize he has a difficult time sitting still, stifling interruptions, and keeping his mind on a job; he needs to know his academic problems are not his fault. Tell him you know he is doing the best he can, but that he has a problem which makes it hard for him to concentrate and get his work done.
Phrase your explanation in word pictures your child can understand. Tell him that every person is unique and that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Some people have vision problems so that they can't see very well. These people wear glasses to allow them to view their world more clearly. Other kids have teeth that need straightening. They wear braces and retainers to correct their teeth so they can eat correctly, play the horn, or whistle.
Let your child know he is not the only one with this problem. There are lots of others in his school who also have attention deficit. If someone else in his extended family has the same problem, share this fact also. Let him know there are many parents, teachers, and very successful people who have attention problems.
Focus on what your child can do, not on his or her limitations. Your child may have difficulty concentrating while reading to himself, but does much better when listening to someone read aloud. Rather than force silent reading, which leads to frustration, let your child learn new information by reading to him, listening to a book on tape, or watching a videotape.
Remember the big picture. Schoolwork is important, but a child's emotional and social adjustment and love for God are more important. Be thankful for all the things that are going well in these parts of your child's life.
 Above all, AD/HD children need clear
structure, definite descriptions of
what
they are being asked to do,
specific
consequences for their
behavior,
and consistent
enforcement
of these principles.
Teach and show by your life that mistakes don't equal failure. An AD/HD child may tend to see his or her mistakes as huge failures. You can model, through good-humored acceptance of your own mistakes, that errors can be useful and can lead to new solutions. Mistakes and problems are not the end of the world.
Communicate that this is a team effort. Yes, your child has to take responsibility for doing his or her chores, completing homework, and putting out his or her best effort. However, your child is not in this alone. Everyone will work together to make school and home life as successful as possible.
Pray together and work on projects as a family. Emphasize family traditions, stories, and legacies to help keep the problem of attention deficit in perspective. In the larger scheme of things, family, faith, and loving relationships are truly what is important.
Do not compare your child with his or her brothers and sisters or classmates. Accept your AD/HD child as s/he is. Be the best cheerleader your child will ever see!
Take care of yourself. Most AD/HD children are high-maintenance kids. The constant advocacy, attention to details, remediation efforts and patience needed for a child with attention disorders can easily wear you down. There will be days when you are at your wit's end and you will feel like giving up and trading in the family minivan for a one-way ticket to New Zealand! Find time for yourself. Talk with a friend and maintain your sense of humor. Laughter is good for the soul. Your home needs to be safe, supportive, and fun. Do all you can to become that kind of parent and your child can learn to feel great about himself in spite of his attention problem!
Teaching Self-Control and Social Behavior
Once you have the basic parenting principles down, it's time to help your child develop better social skills and self control. While most children can sit through a meal without a major incident, an AD/HD child will wiggle, rock, and squirm his way from appetizer to desert. And while most children can consciously focus their attention and resist the urge to move around, your AD/HD youngster must learn how to do this. Let him know that he can still choose his behavior. It's just a little harder for him than for his siblings or friends. And he will need your help to do it.
AD/HD children need very specific, step-by-step instructions on how to control their actions. It will help if you can enlist the aid of your child's teachers, school bus drivers, and recess monitors. Instruction in self-control in one situation will not carry over to a new setting unless the child's caretakers are very involved in the effort. Learn how to communicate your child's problem to others in simple, practical terms and ask them to help you set limits and teach your child self control. You can also use games and activities like Statue and Beat the Clock to help your child learn to ignore distractions and develop impulse control. (For more details on these activities, see Dr Martin's book, The Attention Deficit Child.)
Since the majority of AD/HD children have experienced some social problems, immaturity or aggression, you will probably also need to help your child develop better social skills. Two of the major goals of social skills training are that AD/HD children will become more knowledgeable about appropriate and inappropriate social behavior, and that they will learn how to behave in socially sensitive ways with their peers and classmates. Many schools and clinics provide social skill training that can be a great help to AD/HD children. These programs usually help children learn (1) how to enter or begin a social interaction, (2) conversational skills, (3) conflict resolution and problem solving, and (4) anger management.
 Continued on Page Four
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