Building Biblical Self-Esteem
Page Five
In similar ways, the Bible sheds light on numerous perplexing events and happenings of our day. It is our one great source of security in the midst of the confusing and distressing happenings in our world. God promises us security in our relationship to Him. He promises that nothing will be able to separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). He is with us day by day and we will spend eternity with Him.
If anyone has a right to a good self-image, it is the Christian. We recognize that we are created by God; we are loved by Him; we are gifted by Him. And we have the certainty that we will spend eternity with Him. Regardless of the kind of childhood experiences we may have had which programmed us to feel less than our best, Christ wants us to like ourselves. You are I are God's own children.
Relationships With Others Can Improve Your Self-Image
As deep and profound a resource for a healthy sense of self-esteem as our relationship with God provides, this isn't His only provision for us! God also gives us each other to help us learn to see ourselves more accurately. He gives us parents to shape our earliest thoughts and feelings about ourselves. And He gives us friends and spouses and others to continue this influence into adulthood.
Friends help us by listening to us, even in times of failure. They let us know that we don't have to perform successfully in order to be loved and accepted. They help us discover that we don't have to be punished in order to gain the motivation to improve. Their understanding tells us, "We all have struggles and frustrations. We all get down on ourselves at times and we all feel like a failure on occasion. But we are loved and worthwhile just the same."
 I should not wonder that the kindly words
of God's people may be but a rehearsal of
that 'Well done, good and faithful servant.
The famous British 19th century preacher, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, effectively blended the need for human affirmation as well as divine approval when he preached:
"I do not think that we should be so slow as we sometimes are in praising one another. There is a general theory abroad that it is quite right and proper to point out to a brother all his imperfections, for it will be a salutary medicine to him and prevent his being too happy in this vale of tears. Is it supposed that we shall cheer him on to do better by always finding fault with him? . Find fault with a brother and he will be kept from growing too proud; and he will, no doubt, go forward blessing you very much for your kind consideration in promoting his humility.
"Does anyone in his senses think so? I should suppose that after having given a sufficient trial to that manner of procedure, it would be quite as well at times to try another, and to rejoice in everything which we see of grace in our brethren, and sometimes to thank God in their hearing for what we perceive in them that we are sure is the fruit of the Spirit. If they are what they should be, they will not think so much of our little praises as to be unduly exalted thereby; but they will be sometimes so encouraged as to be nerved to higher and nobler things.. Men who deserve praise can bear it, and some of them even need it. I should not wonder that the kindly words of God's people may be but a rehearsal of that 'Well done, good and faithful servant' which will one day sound in their ears; and be a useful rehearsal, too, helping them on their weary way. Good men have many conflicts, let us minister to their comfort."2
Unfortunately, many people have grown up with Spurgeon's "first theory"—that the way to grow is to be criticized and have our every fault identified. Adults who received a steady dose of this in their impressionable childhood years typically have trouble developing good thoughts and feelings about themselves as adults. Positive comments and even the intellectual knowledge that God loves us and values us are like water off the proverbial duck's back. They don't soak in. When this happens, we need deep healing relationships!
If you have difficulty building self-esteem, let me encourage you to open up to a few close friends who are secure in their own self-images. Let them know the way you feel and let them share with you. As long as your self-doubts and sins and failures remain hidden, they cannot be resolved. It is in having an actual experience of opening up, facing our hurt and painful thoughts and feelings, and being completely accepted by another person that the fact of our significance and worth and value is able to soak in to an emotional level. As others know and accept us, little by little we come to more healthily love and accept ourselves.
Sometimes the accepting person is our mate; other times it is a small group of people seeking Christian growth. Some problems of self-acceptance are so deep that they need the help of a "professional friend." A trained therapist can help uncover and work through the deeper wounds that lie at the heart of serious emotional problems like depression. But whatever the format, remember that a positive self-concept is a result of being loved, accepted and valued by our Creator as well as by those around us. When we allow others to accept us, we become more open and accepting of ourselves. We see firsthand demonstrations of the nature of God's love and find a deeper understanding of His love for us. This is why Christ said, "Love each other as I have loved you" (John 15:12).
A Category by Itself
The Christian view of self-esteem is in a category by itself. It alone elevates man above the animals. It alone speaks satisfactorily to man's origin and destiny. The biblical view of man acknowledges our sins and failures, but it doesn't demean our deepest significance as creations of the living God.
As Francis Schaeffer put it in Genesis in Space and Time: For twentieth century man this phrase, the image of God, is as important as anything in Scripture, because men today can no longer answer that crucial question, "Who am I?" In his own naturalistic theories, with the uniformity of cause and effect in a closed system with an evolutionary concept of a mechanical, chance parade from the atom to man, man has lost his unique identity [italics added].... In contrast, I stand in the flow of history. I know my origin. My lineage is longer than the Queen of England's. It does not start with the Battle of Hastings. It does not start with the beginnings of good families, wherever or whenever they lived. As I look at myself in the flow of space-time reality, I see my origin in Adam and in God's creating man in His own image.
What a fantastic foundation upon which to build our self-esteem!
Bruce Narramore, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, a professor at the Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University, and President of the Narramore Christian Foundation. Dr. Narramore is an author of nine books including Help I'm a Parent and co-author of The Integration of Psychology and Theology: An Introduction.
Elizabeth Ruth Skoglund, M.A., MFT is a counselor, educator, and writer. She is the author of over 27 books, ranging in subject matter from psychological self-help and bioethics, to biographies of great people. Her most recent book is Bright Days, Dark Nights: With Charles Spurgeon in Triumph Over Emotional Pain. She has also written her own newspaper column and appears frequently on radio talk shows. For the last 28 years she has maintained a fulltime private counseling practice in Burbank, CA. www.ElizabethSkoglund.com
Copyright © 2001 by Narramore Christian Foundation
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