Ten Ways You Can Shape a Child's Life
Page Two
By "noticing" I do not mean that we permit children to take over, monopolize a situation, or dominate a conversation. But we do need to recognize that they are present. We can do this in many ways, such as commenting on something the child is wearing: "That's a nice jacket you have on, Tyler." Or we can simply say, "Kirsten, I haven't seen you for a long time. This is a nice surprise." By doing this you let a child know that he or she is recognized and is worthwhile.
Children are meant to be social beings. God made them that way. So if you don't pay attention to them, they will turn to others who do. This may not always be a wholesome thing as there are people who could exert a negative influence on young ones. It's imperative that you know what's going on in your child's life.
Peers are also an extremely important part of a child's life. It behooves you to know who your child's playmates are. If they are not a good influence, do all in your power to change that scenario. Children tend to take their cues from other children. Make sure you notice your children's friends. If they are not a good influence, it's up to you to do something about it.
2. Encourage the child: Everyone needs encouragement. And children need it more than adults since they are just developing their confidence. Encouragement often spells the difference between giving up or going on.
I recall one weekend when I came home from college and one of my sisters-in-law asked how I was getting along in school. Then she said she knew I would do well, that I had it in me. I was seventeen years old at the time, and her faith in me helped me to have a good image of myself. This greatly affected my life. We can all encourage the young people and children with whom we come in contact.
 Everyone needs encouragement. And
children need it more than adults since
they are just developing their confidence.
Many a person remembers with fondness a teacher who took a special interest in him or her. Jim, for instance, had a natural ability in art. But he had no opportunities in his home to develop his gift. However, his art teacher encouraged him and helped build up his confidence. As a result, this man later became a productive artist who led a very fulfilling life.
Parents, too, need to be alert to recognize their child's natural abilities. Encourage and nurture these gifts. In a very practical sense, this is training a child up in the way God would have him or her go. We all do those things best for which we have God-given abilities. And early encouragement can make all the difference between settling for less or developing a life that fully uses one's gifts and talents.
3. Allow the child to talk: Some children live in an atmosphere where they have nobody to talk to. Lines of communication have fallen down between them and their parents. "Communication" has turned into quarreling or arguing. So they need someone outside of the home to whom they can go. Talking freely to someone we trust helps rid us of negative, pent-up feelings. It helps us sift our ideas—the good ones from the poor ones. And as we talk, we gain confidence. Children don't need our answers as much as they need someone who will let them talk, show an interest in them, and help them think things through for themselves.
Talking freely to someone we trust helps
rid us of negative, pent-up feelings.
We will encourage children to talk if we keep in mind that they are young and need to learn to think. We want them to become fluent and to express themselves well as they grow up; but if we stop and correct them (as though we were giving a grammar lesson), we discourage their free exchange of words, and it becomes all the more difficult for them to talk to others.
You do children a great favor by allowing them to talk naturally and by showing an interest in them.
4. Listen to the child: By "listening" I mean giving a child your undivided attention. Children are smart; they can tell when you're not listening. This is especially true if we keep on doing what we're doing while carrying on a conversation at the same time. Children know when they have our full attention and when our minds are preoccupied with other things. When we don't listen attentively, a child may think, What I'm saying isn't important to you. I'm not important to you. What's the use?
As you listen, you can learn a lot about a child. What are his concerns? What are her fears? What kind of peculiar notions is this child developing? These are what give you cues in how to deal with that child. You may be surprised at what you learn about his or her needs and interests.
The Bible says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is His reward" (Psalm 127:3). This is a reminder of just how important our children are to God. They need to be just as important to us. God's Word also says, "Evening and morning and at noon I will pray, and cry aloud, and He shall hear my voice" (Psalm 55:17).
Just as God listens to us, we need to listen to our children.
5. Show an interest in the child's future: When we ask a child questions about himself, that child knows we are interested. We may learn that he or she hasn't thought yet about what he or she wants to do in the future—or at least, doesn't have anything in mind at this time. But your show of interest may cause him or her to begin thinking, What do I want to be or do when I grow up?
This is an excellent time to introduce that child to the fact that God has a plan for his or her life and that he or she is part of something important that is tied into the God of the universe! Such a concept can fire a child's imagination and cause him or her to view life as an exciting challenge with many possibilities.
 Continued on Page Three
|
