Danger Signals in Your Child's Behavior
Page Three
11. Use of inappropriate language and swearing. Most children repeat what they hear. If the language at home, in the community, and at school is desirable, they will repeat the same language. And if it is off-color or filthy, they will tend to use those same words and phrases.
 A maladjusted and especially angry child
may believe it is a mark of "prestige" or
being a "big shot" to use foul language.
A maladjusted and especially angry child may believe it is a mark of "prestige" or being a "big shot" to use foul language. He may be picking this up from playmates, adults in his life, or even from parents. His use of inappropriate words may also be a bid for attention. If the reaction from Mom and Dad is negative, at least he has received some attention-even if it is negative.
If your child is using off-color or inappropriate language, he may be signaling for help. He doesn't need you to shout him down and tell him, "Don't talk that way!" He needs you to understand there is a reason he is speaking that way. Kindly ask him where he heard that language. Try to find out who he is emulating in his environment. You will want to notice, too, if his bad speech is a reflection of feeling unhappy, hurt, angry, or unfulfilled. Once you know why he is using the words he does, you can begin dealing with the real problem.
12. Poor school performance. In addition to natural differences of intelligence, children have many differences in motivation, home environment, and other factors. For example, some specially gifted children perform poorly in school because they are insufficiently challenged. Other children have special physiological problems.
Some specially gifted children
perform poorly in school because
they are insufficiently challenged.
A common problem among children who are not doing well in school is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). If a child continually has trouble paying attention, sitting still, or concentrating, and if all of a teacher's or parent's efforts seem to fail, the child may be suffering from ADHD or a related learning disability.
Other children perform poorly at school because they are emotionally unhappy and preoccupied. In any case, it is best to obtain a psychological evaluation when a child has any long-term difficulty performing up to his abilities at school.
13. Antagonism to spiritual matters. All human beings are spiritual beings, made in the image of God, with a capacity to know God personally. Most children readily accept the fact that there must be a God who created the world and that people have a responsibility to Him, as well as to other people. But some children, whether it is due to their environment or some hidden personal reason, are extremely rebellious toward anything spiritual.
When a child is negative toward spiritual matters, you can well suspect that something is lacking at home or in his emotional life. He may not be receiving spiritual or moral training from parents or teachers. Or he may harbor some strong resentments. While antagonism toward spiritual matters isn't indicative of emotional problems, it may well be setting up a prospective adult for problems later in life when he will need solid spiritual grounding in this often perplexing, unstable world. If your children show little interest in spiritual matters, it is time to take a look at ways of lovingly introducing them to the potentially life-changing truth that they can know God personally. This is every person's deepest spiritual need.
14. Constant physical complaints. Many children have obvious physical problems. When a child is limping or when he has lost an arm, it is easy to notice such handicaps and make allowances. And some children have hidden physical problems that haven't yet been diagnosed.
Other children feign illness for various reasons. They may find being sick gets them extra attention and gentle strokes, or lets them avoid school or other responsibilities. Other children have real physical problems that are caused by hidden emotional stress. Upsetting emotions that have been stuffed down into a child's emotional basement can return in physical disguises.
Upsetting emotions that have been stuffed
down into a child's emotional basement
can return in physical disguises.
Any time a child complains of not feeling well, adults should take it seriously. If, after talking it over and consulting a physician, no physical cause is found, the possibility of excessive stress and emotional deprivations should be considered. Children with hidden medical or psychosomatic problems can grow up to have serious problems in adulthood. If you want to help your child sidestep a lifetime of difficulties, keep one eye on his physical condition.
15. Fighting and accusing. As you look around, it is obvious that people do not agree on everything. Even well-educated senators sometimes fight and quarrel! No two people see everything alike. And since children are immature, we should expect some quarreling and fighting. But it is not normal for a child to spend most of his time fighting, accusing others, and acting in negative ways. This child has a high level of hostility. His life must be frustrating and he probably believes his hopes and dreams may never materialize.
If your child is continually at odds with other children or adults, he is undoubtedly trying to tell you that he needs your special attention. If he does not get it, his interpersonal problems and conflicts may grow worse as he moves into adulthood.
 Continued on Page Four
|
