Developing Confidence
Page Four
This step is important because it takes our problem out of the "mystery or theory" category into the "insight and understanding" category. Mysteries are hard to work on, and theory doesn't change our lives. But when we understand the causes for our struggles, we not only feel some relief, we also know what we need to work on or do. It may help to review the list of confidence killers on page 2 and check the ones you experienced growing up.
Talk it over with a friend or counselor. You may have a family member or a friend with whom you can share the experiences which have produced your lack of confident feelings. Sometimes adult brothers and sisters get together and think back through their growing years in their families. During this process of talking it over, you may discover other causes which you have never realized. And you may stir up some painful childhood feelings. It's amazing how we absorb the hurts of childhood, and little by little exclude them from our remembrance. Then, as adults, we think they are in the past. But unknown to us, they may have been driving our personal dissatisfactions, perfectionism, domineering style, or other struggles at work and home.
As we talk our experiences through with a friend or counselor, we release ourselves from their grip. Discussing how it felt to grow up with an incredibly talented sibling, or an anxious "smothering" mother, or a competitive and critical parent gives relief and insight into our lack of confidence. And slowly but surely we can begin to feel differently about ourselves and to start trying out our skills and abilities. In time, we feel more confident, spontaneous, and free.
Build Growth-Enhancing Friendships. Clint had a serious lack of confidence when he graduated from college. But fortunately, he took a job with an employer who saw his latent abilities. Bill encouraged Clint, complimented him on his work, and kept giving him more responsibilities. As the months went by, Clint developed more and more confidence until today he is managing an entire division of a large corporation.
 If you want to develop more confidence,
surround yourself with at least a few friends
who care about you and will be able
to affirm your abilities and successes.
If you want to develop more confidence, surround yourself with at least a few friends who care about you and will be able to affirm your abilities and successes. The Bible says we are to "encourage one another and build each other up."3
After recognizing your problem and getting it out where it can be dealt with, talking with someone about the sources of your difficulty, and developing encouraging friendships, it is time for the next step:
Apply spiritual resources Begin by understanding your value in the sight of God. Your parents may have unintentionally and unknowingly put thousands of negative emotional bits and pieces into your mental and emotional computer. But what they put in may have been inaccurate. It may have been based upon their own feelings and their own circumstances. For example, a man said to me, "My parents always said I would never amount to a hill of beans. I guess they told me that ten times a day." In a sense, they programmed him to believe he would be a failure.
Now the job is to get "reprogrammed." You need to get other, more accurate information into the marrow of your bones. You need to look to a source of correct information given by someone who does not have too many hang-ups himself, and who is honest and true in all that he says about you. Friends and spouses help immensely, but there is only one perfect dispenser of information about you! That is GOD! And what does He say about you?
First, He says we were created in His image." Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness.'"4 That's as good as it gets, folks! As one little boy said, "I'm me and I'm good 'cause God don't make junk!"
Consequently, when you think of yourself, you need to realize that you were fashioned by God Himself. Don't minimize or look down upon God's masterpiece. You are His creation; His finest creature.
Not only were you created by God, but you were given talents and abilities by Him and given great responsibilities. God put the human race on this planet to take care of it under His guidance. In a sweeping, authoritative statement, God said "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."5 He also said that we, His creatures, are to subdue the earth.6 Then he concluded, "God saw all that He had made, and it was very good...."7
He made you and me. He appointed us to
have dominion over the earth. He said that
He had done a very good job on us!
From now on, whenever you think about yourself, remember that you are the crowning achievement of God's creation. He said you were very well-fashioned and that He has put you and me in charge of everything on and around the earth. Certainly He has given us monumental responsibilities!
The reality is that God endows each of us with talents and abilities. And He wants and expects us to use our talents throughout our lives. Consequently, we should try never to minimize our competence or our abilities. Knowing this can revolutionize your life. But to get it deep into your mind, you need to think about it, meditate on it, and talk to your friends about it. When you pray, thank God for creating you and gifting you. And as time goes on, you will come to believe it unreservedly and will incorporate this truth in your feelings as well as in your knowledge.
Finally, put your new self-understanding into action. Once you understand the source for your struggles and how wonderfully God has created and equipped you, step out of your comfort zone. Start trying some new things. Stretch yourself by speaking up where you have been too hesitant before. Enroll in school again. Tackle a new project or task. It may be a bit scary in the beginning, but that's the way to really change. Start using more of the gifts God gave you and be sure to build on your successes and not on your failures.
If You Need More Help
A final word: Some problems are of such a nature, or of such severity, or so long-standing, that they need professional attention. Even though we intellectually know that God has created and gifted us, our deeply ingrained emotional doubts rise up to tell us "No!" If this is a problem for you, find the professional help which you need. God has equipped many fine Christian counselors and therapists who can help you work through your deeper, innermost problems. Don't hesitate to seek their help.*
Notes
1. Colossians 3:23 (NIV).
2. Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV).
3. I Thessalonians 5:11(NIV).
4. Genesis 1:26 (NIV).
5. Genesis 1:26 (NIV).
6. Genesis 1:28 (NIV).
7. Genesis 1:31 (NIV).
* If you need assistance finding a psychologist or professional counselor in your area, you may phone our international headquarters for a referral (1-626-821-8400 or 1-800-477-5893).
Dr. Bruce Narramore, President of the Narramore Christian Foundation is a Licensed Psychologist, author, and professor at Rosemead School of Psychology in La Mirada, California.
Dr. Clyde Narramore, is the Founder of the Narramore Christian Foundation, was President for half-a-century, well-known radio and conference speaker, and author.
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